Self Professed Accomplice

It's now been 30 years since I taught my first aerobics class (there was no 'fitness classes' or group exercise' then; just straight up shiny tights, slouch socks, and thongs).

I started in the health and fitness industry because I was a dancer, thought it would be a fun job, and wanted a free gym membership. I also needed to "try" to get "thinner to infinity" because I was a dance and theater student.

My quest to lose weight began early and sank its claws deep into my psyche. There are many reasons I decided to make weight loss such a big focus in my life. Most of them had to do with control and not a shred of self worth. I had to construct an alter ego to protect myself from these feelings so I became "Death by Beth". I deliver hard workouts, tell it to you straight, and push you to find the best within. I encourage women on the daily to feel comfortable in their own skin and to celebrate their unique shapes. I point out how amazing their body is and all the great things they can do in their bodies. Any client who has trained with me long enough has been subject to my lectures on body positivity.

Why do I call this an alter ego? Please don't misunderstand-I believe in the way I coach. I do believe most us go around with a well of untapped potential. I do believe in challenging oneself to grow. I do believe in improving ourselves WHOLE-ISTICALLY so we can show up for ourselves and those we love.

I believe it, I teach it.....and I DON'T PRACTICE IT.

I call bullshit on myself.

I berate and deride myself to levels a gas lighting narcissist would have wet dreams about. This mostly has to do with overly attaching a large part of my worth to my physical appearance. I walk around as if I have my shit together, I love myself and all the various forms my body morphs into.

And this is where I am an accomplice to the social construction of WORTH and BEAUTY.

No more.

For weeks I have been considering outing myself. I know I am suffering. I talk with women often who are suffering. For the next several weeks, I will flay myself open and let you into what really happens in the head of a female fitness professional who spends everyday coaching others on how to LOOK BETTER IN THEIR BODIES. What I really want to coach is how to FEEL BETTER IN OUR BODIES. For you and for me.

I will share my experience in the REAL BODY PROJECT and I invite you to dialogue with me.

Let's gain some perspective, change the concept of beauty, and liberate ourselves together. Shall we?

Beth